In the Cycle of Conflict article, I described in detail the 4 Stages of Conflict. In Part 8, I will summarize and explain the actions the Sender would need to take to stop the cycle and repair the damage they inflicted on the relationship.
1. They must be brutally honest with themselves, seek help and find a way to break through the veil of denial concerning the existence and origin of their fears and insecurities. The first step in healing their wounds and ending the cycle is their ability
to strip away the denial to see and admit the truth.
2. They must become consciously aware of their wounds and fears and how it affects their life and the lives of the people who love them. They must be able to differentiate which layer of the cake the issue is really about, own the issue and realize that it is about them.
3. It takes awareness to recognize that the issue is about them, strength to face the truth and courage to admit to themselves and others that their reactions are totally unacceptable. They must act quickly to take personal responsibility for their actions and do what ever it takes to lower the intensity and frequency of the reactions.
4. They must completely understand the impact their reactions have on their partner. They must empathize with the stress and pain they inflict and realize the damage done to the level of trust, respect and love in the relationship. They must immediately give a heartfelt apology for hurting their partner and give massive doses of TLC after each episode.
5. It is very important for the Sender to be humble and honest about their wounds, fears and reactions. They must verbalize them and help their partner to understand their deepest fears and how they have been an integral part of their feelings, actions and behaviors.
6. The Sender must recognize how their reactions create the dynamics of blocking any attempts to successfully resolve any issue because of the harsh start to the conversations.
Links Related to
The Cycle of Conflict in Relationships - Part 8 – The Rules for the Sender
Modern Romance Guide Related Articles:
They need to seek immediate help to learn the skills and techniques to minimize the effect their wounds and reactions have on their ability to successfully communicate.
7. They must be consciously aware of the frequency and intensity of their emotional reactions. If the reactions are intense and occur frequently, they must realize and accept it will take time and much effort on their part to help the receiver to re-establish trust and confidence that the communication space between them will be rational, safe, calm and loving.
8. They must be patient and understand the damage that has been done to the relationship. They must be willing to put their needs aside for awhile, be unselfish and do what ever it takes to help restore the love, respect and admiration that was destroyed by their actions and behaviors. It is imperative they be soft and gentle with their partner and as always, give massive doses of TLC!
Glenn Cohen
©“I-TO-WE” Relationship Coaching© / www.i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com